Codependency Recovery in SLAA: A Big Book Approach
Patterns and Characteristics of Codependency
- Denial
- Difficulty identifying feelings
- Label partners with their negative traits
- Do not recognize unavailability of those to whom they are attracted
- Mask pain in various ways such as anger, humour, isolation
- Low Self-Esteem
- Difficulty making decisions
- Value partner’s approval (of T F A) over own
- Do not feel lovable or worthwhile persons
- Look to partners for sense of safety
- Trouble setting healthy boundaries in relationships
- See themselves as superior or inferior to partner
- Compliance
- Overly loyal, remaining in harmful relationships too long
- Compromise own values/integrity to avoid rejection or anger
- Hyper-vigilant regarding feelings of partner and take on those feelings
- Accept sexual attention when they want love
- Afraid to express beliefs and opinions when they differ from others
- Control
- Freely offer advice and direction to partner without being asked
- Use sexual attention to gain approval and acceptance
- Have to feel needed in order to have a relationship
- Demand that needs be met by partner
- Use blame, shame, guilt to exploit partners emotionally
- Use charm and charisma to convince others to be with them
- Avoidance
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- Judge harshly what partners think say and do
- Use indirect or evasive communication to avoid conflict
- Suppress feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable
- Pull partners toward them, but when they get close, push them away
- Withhold expressions of love and appreciation